Friday, June 22, 2007

Mark called me at work to tell me that Dad had only eaten about a quarter of his lunch and was saying things that didn't make sense. I told him that had been going on for awhile...he says things...sometimes a few words make sense but then the rest of it doesn't follow any rational thought pattern. I thanked him for the update, finished up my work and then headed over to the nursing home. Along the way I stopped to pick up a couple of milkshakes...chocolate and blackberry. I knew that Dad's favorite flavor was chocolate...so I had a pretty good chance of getting him to drink it down. I moved his wheelchair into the area where they have a big screen TV and got us set up to spend some time together.

The shake was so thick that Dad had trouble pulling it up the straw. I went and found a spoon and fed it to him that way while he and I watched a biography of Cal Ripkin Jr. on TV. He seemed to enjoy the shake and finished it completely. After we both finished and the show was over he said he wanted to go back and lay down for awhile. Once he was in bed and comfortable I kissed him, told him I loved him and went home.

Once I got there I threw his clothes in the wash and took it easy for awhile. While I was folding his clothes I noticed that his name was inside the waistband. I vaguely remember the laundry person at Anderson House doing this so she could keep all the clothes in order. Looking at that waistband made me think that Dad was at some crazy summer camp...because that is what your Mom did to your clothes before you went off to camp. I finished folding everything and putting his shirts on hangers..put everything by the door and tried to relax the rest of the evening.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Today was a busy day. I drove to pick Mom up early this morning. I took her to breakfast at one of my favorite pancake houses. She seemed kind of down ...mentioned that she hadn't really eaten dinner last night. Once I got her in the restaurant and got some coffee in her she started to perk up a bit. We ordered and then sat talking for a few minutes. Once our food arrived, she ate with quite a bit of enthusiasm. I gave her a piece of bacon from my plate to get some protein into her.

After breakfast we drove to the bank...which wasn't open...then drove to the credit union...which wasn't open. We decided to go back to the apartment to get the papers together that I would need to complete the Medicaid application for Dad. She had been resisting this...but finally gave in. After we gathered everything up we drove back to the bank and she got the funds she needed for essentials.

We drove out to see Dad next. He was in his room...so we all sat down. He was kind of awake...but seemed tired. After a while it was time for lunch..so I took him down to the lunchroom while Mom fell asleep in the chair in his room. I fed Dad until Mark showed up to take over. I went and got Mom...we said out goodbyes and then took her back to the car. I insisted that we stop at the store and buy some frozen dinners so she would have meals on hand. Once I got her home we sat down and had lunch. She is so alone and so sad these days. She wants to move into our basement...but I told her it wouldn't work. We are in the midst of finishing the basement...which will probably take the rest of the summer or longer. I took her to a nice assisted living facility right up the street from Dad's nursing home..but she says she can't afford it. In reality, she could probably afford it if we helped a bit.

I headed to the copy shop and the library to work on the Medicaid paperwork. Got it all together and then went to drop it off at DSHS. Headed home....let the dogs out...changed clothes and then headed back to the nursing home to feed Dad his dinner. His appetite is not as good as it was a week ago. He seems restless and distracted...also more remote. He kept putting something in my hand and telling me to put it in my pocket...of course there was nothing there but I played along anyway. After dinner we watched the news for a few minutes and then he wanted to go to bed. There are flashes of the Dad I knew in there...but more and more it feels like he is drifting away.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Today was a big day...long, tiring...but ultimately productive. After many phone conversations, working with hospice nurses, etc. I got Dad transferred to another nursing home closer to me. It took most of the day, but I think it will be easier for me to spend more time with him. The nursing home is in West Seattle...as opposed to the one he was in...out in Shoreline...about 25 miles away.

I was able to get Dad in the car with the help of one of the aides...Mom was along as well as we had to go to the bank to get funds to pay a deposit on the new home, and pick up the difference not covered by the Medicare hospice benefit at the original home. I thought Dad would sleep on the ride over but he stayed wide awake.

Once we arrived I needed to get another aide to get him into the wheelchair. Once that was accomplished I wheeled Dad in and got directions to his room. I dropped off his paperwork and his meds and then went to make sure he knew what was going on.

After taking Mom home, making dinner, eating and cleaning up I headed back to sit with Dad and try to get some financial information from him for the Medicaid application. Mom is resisting applying for this ...doesn't want to give out their financial information. I explained to her that I am trying to save her from having to use so much of what resources they have. She wasn't being logical about it and I am ashamed to say that I lost my temper with her. She can be so difficult sometimes. I am just going to go ahead and do what I can as I am second in line for power of attorney...I'll see how much info I am able to gather from the various places.

Dad seemed kind of confused today....but still had his moments of being lucid. He was putting his hand in his mouth today while I fed him lunch. I would get him to stop by gently moving the food nearer his mouth and asking him to eat. His appetite remains pretty good. Looking at him sitting up in his new room broke my heart. He is so weak ...so sick...but he is still able to say that he loves me...that makes all the difference in the world.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Saw Dad after work today. Made it up to the nursing home in time to feed him the remainder of his dinner. He ate most of everything on his tray...chewing each bite thoroughly. This is something he had done since he has been ill. Once he was finished, I took him back to his room...washed his hands and face and then helped him brush his teeth. The last thing on the list was giving him a shave. Dad has always been fastidious about his personal cleansing routines...so I like to help him do the things he can no longer do...like brush his teeth, comb his hair, shave, etc. After I finished, I noticed that he was rubbing his neck in front. I put some lotion on his neck...the shaver had irritated his skin. His skin is so delicate and thin now...almost like parchment.

The next part of the routine was calling for the aides to help him to the bathroom and get ready for bed. While the aide was walking him to the bathroom I noticed that he can barely walk anymore She was holding him up as he crept across the few feet to the toilet. I stepped outside his room during all of this to give him some privacy. When the aides left I went back in to kiss him goodnight and tell him I love him. I had to make a swift exit because I could feel the tears coming on.

I am glad I went tonight. I love spending time with my Dad. I also had a chance to tell him that we will most likely be transferring him to a nursing home in West Seattle. I told him that Mom was in favor of the move...and that I was working on it this week. He took all of this in and said that it was alright with him.

Each day feels so full of details...and roller coaster emotions. I am tired again tonight...but feel like I am managing to get things taken care of step by step.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Father's Day. I selected cards for Mom and I to give Dad. After church I went over to have lunch with Mom before we drove over to see Dad at the nursing home. I try to eat with Mom when I can now as she doesn't seem to be very interested in food.

She looked at the cards and signed hers. She said that both cards were beautiful.

When we arrived we found Dad in the activity room eating. I took over feeding him and kept up a running dialog. He seems to have a fair appetite...he eats a little of everything on his tray. His sister called on my cell so he had a chance to talk to her and her husband. After that we had a meeting with a woman who finds home health care placements for folks. I could tell that Mom wasn't hearing most of what was being said. She finally caught on as I told her things and then said that she didn't think that was the way she wanted to go. She got a little confused and thought the the woman was there to place her in a facility. I think she is just overwhelmed and exhausted with all of the things that have been happening for the last month and a half. I talked more with the woman and then told her I would call her once I could get a more specific decision from Mom.

We showed Dad the cards ....I read both to him. I got a little choked up when I was reading the card from me. He is just such a great and caring man. I have learned so much from him over the years. It breaks my heart to see him so sick and vulnerable.

After a while we went back to his room. He was tired and wanted to lay down and take a nap. We both kissed him goodbye and took off. I drove across the street to Safeway and got Mom to do some grocery shopping. I had to really prompt her to get her to buy food. She made some selections and then was ready to go home.

We are going to have to find another living situation for her. She is lonely and isolated now in that apartment. Once I get Dad settled I will have to switch my attention to Mom's situation.

Yesterday I visited two nursing homes and a home care situation. Of all of them, I liked the nursing home in West Seattle. It definitely has a clinical feel...but it is safe, clean and close. All this driving from Southcenter to Shoreline is taking a toll on me. I am going to check in with the facility in West Seattle tomorrow morning.

Right now I am exhausted. I am sitting with an icebag on my back...my lower right hip is really hurting. I need to go lay down and take it easy for awhile.

One bright note...today is Pamela's 38th birthday. She loved all her presents from friends, me and my parents. I haven't been around much today...but we are planning on having a nice dinner together. She has been a wonderful support for me over the last month and a half.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Spent the morning with Mom. We met with the social worker discussing both practical and emotional aspects of the current situation. Dad will stay at Anderson House as long as he needs to. I liked Gwendolyn. All the hospice workers have been great. I even got a call from the chaplain today. She will visit Dad tomorrow afternoon.

I made Mom's lunch and then took off to see Dad. He was dressed in mismatched pajamas...a situation I quickly took care of. He may have cancer and be a little out of it, but I want him to look as put together as possible. He was confused why he was at Anderson House. I explained that Mom and I couldn't really give him the care he needed. He seemed to understand that pretty quickly. I had him talk to Mark and Mom on my cell ...which seemed to help some. I spoke to his day nurse...she felt like he had had too many meds yesterday. I was just doing what the hospice nurse suggested to calm him..but I have to say I am glad that he was a lot more alert today. He decided to eat his lunch in the activity room so I rolled him in there. He seemed alert and spoke to the folks at his table...so I kissed him goodbye, told him I loved him and headed to work.

On the way home from work I called to check in with Mom. The hospital equipment had been picked up. She had her dinner but was feeling lonely. I told her that I would come out tomorrow afternoon to take her to see Dad...then we would go have some dinner together. She seemed to brighten when I suggested this....so that is the plan.

I am going to head to bed. I am exhausted.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

The last two days have been a blur. I spent yesterday at Mom and Dad's waiting for the hospital bed to be delivered. Also met with his hospice nurse. These sound like simple things..but it took all day.

Got a call last night around 9:40pm from Mom. Dad was on the floor again having worked his way out of the hospital bed despite the side rails. I drove across town and got Dad up off the floor and into his chair. He told me that a guy in a bathrobe named Bill had been beside his bed. he also said he saw water on the ceiling. I listened and told him that there wasn't any water to worry about in the apartment. He said he wanted to go back to bed so I lifted him and moved him the few feet to the bed. Once I got him positioned I talked to Mom and told her to call 911 if he got out of the bed again.

I woke up this morning at 5:15am and called Mark. I asked him to go check in on them so I could get to work. On the way to work my phone rang again. Mom was upset because Dad was so restless. She was fearful that he would fall again and asked me to come over right away. I turned the car around, pulled into a parking lot and called the hospice nurse. I told her that I thought the home care was not going to work...she agreed that Mom could not handle him. I can't be there 24 hours a day....she called in a prescription for some meds to help with Dad's anxiety. She also told me that they would start calling around looking for a place that would be available for Dad.

When I got to the apartment Dad seemed kind of agitated. I talked to him and saw that he was pretty disoriented. I eventually moved him from his chair back to the bed. I told Mom that it was a good time for her to get some rest. She laid down on the sofa and went right to sleep. I was in communication with the hospice nurse and social worker all day. I also got the hospice meds out of the mailbox and gave Dad a Haldol and some liquid morphine. It took a couple of hours but he finally settled down and seemed to drift off to sleep.

I got a call from the hospice nurse. She had spoken to his oncologist about the posibility of admitting Dad the hospital. I had also spoken to his nurse. He refused to admit Dad. I asked the hospice nurse why...her answer floored me. She thought he didn't want to do the paperwork! I told her I had had a problem with this guy from the beginning when I spoke to him about my concerns regarding Dad staying at home. He agreed it was dangerous..not a good situation...but offered no alternatives. I am going to write the Polyclinic a letter and give the administrators a piece of my mind. This guy may be a scientist and a good diagnostician, but he is not a well rounded doctor. He should be caring for the whole patient.

The social worker called with the news that a place had been found around 2pm. Shortly thereafter the hospice nurse showed up to talk with Mom and I and assess Dad. After she left Mom and I got Dad's things together...undershirts, socks, underwear, toiletries, comb, brush, and bottles of pills.

The cabulance driver arrived right on schedule at 4pm. She informed me that the person who normally moved him would need to put him in the chair. It was up to me to make sure he got transferred to the chair that would take him to the safety and comfort of the nursing home. I got him in the chair..he was complaining that I was hurting him. I had to just block that out and do the best I could to move 120 lbs. of limp weight. We got him down the steps in the main lobby..fortunately the housekeeper came along and helped us. Once he was buckled in we took off...it was a short ride...the driver told me that Dad was smiling while they were driving.

We rolled him in and and took him to his room. They switched out the beds because Dad was prone to getting out of his...no rails on the bed...but it can be moved very close to the floor. I talked with the night nurse, explained his meds., etc. The night hospice nurse came in and we talked for a few minutes. I really liked her...enough to really talk about Dad and cry a little while we were standing over him.

I left and went back to Mom to tell her how the admission went...what the place was like...what his room was like etc. She was glad that I came over to talk with her and said that she felt numb. I told I felt the same way. I told her I would be back in the morning to meet with her and the social worker. We need to work out a longer term plan as this current situation is a 5 day respite stay.

Drove home, cleaned out the refrigerator, ate the great dinner Pamela prepared. Talked with my good friend Meredith in California...she is a great help...having gone through this with both of her parents. After I finished this entry I am heading to bed.

Dad is safe tonight...Mom is getting some sleep and hopefully I will too. It has been a day of mixed emotions...Dad is slipping away. All I can do for him now is make sure that he is safe and comfortable.