Where we are now

I know it has been a while since I have posted any entries to this blog. Work, helping Mom, our new daughter ...basically life has gotten pretty busy these days.

The short story is that Mom broke her hip last Sunday morning. It took me 2 hours to convince her she needed to go to the hospital. Once I had put some things she wanted into her trunks, she let me call 911. She insisted on putting her lipstick on before the 4 firemen arrived. They cut the right leg of her pants, evaluated her and called a cabulance to transport her to Virginia Mason Hospital.

I followed them to the Emergency Room. They gave her a nerve block, took some x-rays, evaluated her overall health and sent her to the Ortho floor to await surgery. They ended up monitoring her the rest of Sunday and all day Monday to make sure she could handle surgery. They found she has congestive heart failure, some valve blockage, one side of the heart that doesn't move much, and of course, her diabetes.

I finally went with her to the door of the surgical area about 6pm on Monday night. The anesthesiologist called around 7:30pm to let me know that her age and condition made this a high risk procedure. The surgeon called about 10:30pm to let me know it had gone well.

I saw Mom the next day, and she seemed to be doing fairly well. They got her out of bed a little and worked with her on her post operative precautions...no bending down, not pivoting her right foot, no more than a 70% angle. Today she walked with the aid of a walker and a Physical therapist for 100 feet. She amazes everyone with her resilience.

Tomorrow she is being transferred to a rehab facility for up to 20 days to build her strength. I will meet her there and bring more clothes. I will also help ease her into the place, as I know she is extremely nervous about being in this facility. This is where my Dad died in June of 2007. She probably fears the same will happen to her.

It has been an emotionally exhausting week for both of us...but she is still in hanging in there.

Mom's 91st Birthday

Mom with her birthday cake tonight


Mom at the restaurant on Sunday


Pamela and Haven at the restaurant on Sunday

Sunday I took Mom, Pamela and Haven for lunch at a local seafood restaurant. The big hit for Mom was the chocolate sundae at the end of the meal. She seemed to enjoy getting out and spending time with us. She really gets a kick out of Haven and all her little antics.

Today is Mom's 91st birthday. I started her day by calling and singing her "Happy Birthday". Her first words were "I knew you would call". I arranged with her to bring dinner over tonight after work. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, cabbage salad, and a chocolate baby cake with a candle.

Mom never talks much while we eat. I think she needs to concentrate. Her hearing is now so bad that it is difficult to communicate with her. We seem to do best over the phone.

After dinner, which was a big hit, I helped Mom get ready for bed. She sat on the bed in her nightgown while I sat with her marveling at her 91st birthday. She said that she hopes there aren't many more. She is having more foot pain with the neuropathy, more trouble with her heart and is just generally getting tired of living.

I did her dishes, took out the garbage and kissed her goodnight. I did what I could to make it a pleasant evening.

Happy Birthday, Mom.

And then she fell

Mom fell on January 10th. I found out when her apartment manager called me at 6:38am to let me know about it. She had called him thinking he was right down the hall. By the time I arrived at 7am I found her propped against the wall next to her apartment door. She had dragged herself across the apartment to remove the security bar she puts on her door every night.

I knew that I could not life her by myself, so I came up with a strategy to get her to move to the bathroom toilet just a few feet away. Once there, I had her grab onto the bathtub handle I had installed. While she was doing that I lifted her to the toilet seat. She sat there for awhile and rested while I figured out what to do next. I finally got her back to her comfortable chair in the living room. I made her some breakfast and got some fresh coffee brewing.

I knew I had to get to work so I called and left a message for my brother to stop by if he had time. I sat at work agonizing over the fragile state Mom was in when I left. I finally made arrangements to take my computer and work from her apartment. While driving there my brother called and said she as fine, that he had prepared some lunch for her and there was no need for me to return. I asked him if she was dressed...meaning out of her nightgown and he said she was dressed. Knowing how little interest my brother has in Mom I thought it best to go spend some time with her.

When I arrived, she was using her walker to move slowly around the apartment. She was still wearing the nightgown I found her in that morning only now it was stained with her lunch. I got her to change nightgowns and had her put her robe on top of it. Next I did her laundry and did the dishes. Sensing that she was pretty scared by her morning I just sat with her and let her tell me exactly what happened in more detail. I finally fixed her dinner and turned down her bed before I left for the day.

She continued to complain of aches and pains over the next week, but that has slowly subsided. Luckily, it doesn't appear that she has broken any bones. Even if she had, she refused to go to the hospital or any doctor for a checkup.

This experience shook her up in a more profound way than any of her other falls. She is getting frailer all the time. I just hope I can be of help when the next incident happens.

Christmas 2010

Christmas 2008

Christmas 2009

Christmas 2010
Mom seemed much diminished this Christmas. She has been having a lot of foot pain and edema in both legs. Her legs and ankles are really swollen. Overall, she seemed quieter. She enjoyed the meal that Pamela made and ate everything on her plate. When we moved to the living room to open gifts, she was slow and needed assistance to get to the couch. Once she was there, she seemed to enjoy her Christmas presents. She also enjoyed sitting with Haven, our 7 month old daughter.

It took both of us to help her to the car. I took the long way home so we could see some Christmas lights. After I drove her home, I took her upstairs and helped her with her nightly routine; folding back the bed, closing the blinds. She insisted on sitting up for awhile in her chair. She has been ending up in this chair fairly regularly because she wakes up short of breath. Last night, she was there from 3am onward. She told me she was tired when we arrived today...and then poured out the whole story: waking up unable to breath, moving to the chair for the rest of the night..the overall exhaustion.

I really wish she would let me take her to a doctor. She appears to be in pretty shaky condition. Pamela thinks I should just take her to the hospital. I can't do it..that is the last thing in the world that she wants. It is so hard to watch the slow deterioration.

This will be a slow descent

I took dinner over to Mom last night. In the last few days she has been telling me how exhausted she is feeling. She talks about her heart feeling weaker. Her ankles and lower legs are also swollen with edema. I feel like I am watching her slow descent into the next and perhaps final stage of her life. The good news is that she had a good dinner and some company for awhile. After dinner I took out her garbage and then helped her get ready for bed.

From: http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/edema

Edema is a condition of abnormally large fluid volume in the circulatory system or in tissues between the body's cells.

Heart failure. When the heart is unable to maintain adequate blood flow throughout the circulatory system, the excess fluid pressure within the blood vessels can cause shifts into the interstitial spaces. Right-sided heart failure can cause pitting edema, a swelling in the tissue under the skin of the lower legs and feet. Pressing this tissue with a finger tip leads to a noticeable momentary indentation.

And she just went walking along

This was Mom on her 89th birthday, March 1, 2009. She walked to the car aided by her cane but with very little assistance. We switched her to the transport chair to get her into the restaurant and to our table. She remained in the transport chair throughout the meal.



This in Mom on Thanksgiving Day 2010 with her new-to-her walker. I put pink tennis balls on the back legs because I thought that might convince her to keep it and actually use it. It was the right tool at the right time. Mom embraced her walker and has been using it every day. This is something she has resisted for at least 2 years. Timing is everything.

The Millinery Department

That is where Mom wanted to go today at all the department stores at the mall. I told her that the Millinery Department no longer exists. She was dressed to the nines as usual...cloche hat, purse, heels, skirt and blouse and a leather and mink jacket. One woman actually came up to tell her how much she liked the jacket and put her hand on Mom's shoulder. I had to tell the woman that Mom is profoundly deaf and could not hear people. After the woman left, I tried to convey her compliment.

After lunch we went to Penneys, Macy's, Nordstrom and Sears. At each store we looked at something....new lotion at the Eve Arden counter. Mom couldn't make a decision. Hats in all stores...nothing was the right style or price. The one pair of pants she liked were not available in her size.

I was getting a little frustrated with Mom's indecisiveness so I finally said that we needed to leave to do her grocery shopping.

By the time I got her shopping done and drove back to the house, Mom was exhausted. She got into her pajamas while I made her a little snack to eat before bed. I can see that she is not going to able to do another big shopping day this year before Christmas.