Sunday, June 7, 2009

Yesterday was one of the worst days I have had with Mom in awhile. The entire week had been building to her finally signing an agreement to move into a retirement home about 10 minutes from the house. I spent all of last Monday taking her to lunch at the facility, and touring her through every unit available in her price range. She went back and forth all week after being initially positive about the move. I went out and had dinner with her Thursday night and talked with her until she again agreed to the move.

Saturday morning I went out to her apartment and picked her up. We went back to our house where Pamela had a beautiful breakfast ready. After breakfast we both took her to the facility. Pamela and I were ready to measure her room and start figuring out the position of her furniture. As soon as we started rolling her down the hall she started being really agitated and upset. She kept saying that her room was too far from everything...that she wouldn't be able to make it to the dining room. Once we got her to the room she just kept babbling about how she couldn't do it. I quickly realized that she had no intention of actually moving. The woman at the facility told us that Mom's behavior was a form of dementia and that I would need to take control. Well...taking conrol with my Mom has never been possible, especially now. So we gave up and left the facility.

When we got Mom back to the car she told Pamela that she just wanted to die. I was so angry at her at this point, that I couldn't even look at her. She apologized all day. I took her to the Mall to get her watch fixed....but then she wanted to look for a white jacket to match her new skirt. As I pushed her around the Mall I just sank deeper and deeper into despair over the whole situation. I cannot take this anymore.

I am totally exhausted and emotionally spent. Mom has been a difficult person my entire life. Now that she is elderly she is even more difficult to deal with. Not only is she difficult, manipulative and needy, but she is also anxious all the time. Dad is not here to help out and he actually had the most up close experience in dealing with her. I am just totally depressed at this moment.