Monday, December 24, 2012

Christmas Eve 2012

It is early in the morning on Christmas eve.  I got up early to feed the dogs and let them out.  Once I am up, it is hard for me to get back to here I am making another entry into my blog.

This is the first Christmas without Mom or Dad.  I have had a really hard time getting engaged with the season, but I am doing my best for Pamela and Haven's sake.

I have visited Mom and Dad's grave regularly since they were buried in October.  I put wreaths on their grave and my Grandmother's grave, which is right next to Mom and Dad.  I stand there and talk to them...tell them that I miss them....I know they are not really there anymore..just their remains.  Somehow, having a place to visit helps a bit.

I am glad that I had the last five years with Mom.  At first, I dreaded having to manage her on my own without Dad, but in the end I am grateful that we had that extra time together.  There were certainly highs and lows as this blog attests, but still I am grateful.  All we have with people we love is a limited amount of time to enjoy each others' company.  Mom and I had that over the last several years.

I am sorry that she won't be with us this year. I wish Mom and Dad were both coming to our house today for presents and dinner.  Dad would have so enjoyed Haven and Mom would have loved whatever gorgeous outfit Pamela will dress her in today.  Nothing and no one every replaces parents.