Monday, June 24, 2013

This is the day...

"This is the day that the Lord has made...this is the day"

This is also the 6th anniversary of Dad's death and he and Mom are much on my mind.  I miss them both...but most especially Dad.  He was such a calm and motivating presence in my life.  No one has yet emerged who can take his place.

The way I try and pay it forward is by being calm and positive with my daughter Haven.  She is three now and a bunch of contradictions...sweet one moment, putting her finger up her nose and licking it the next.  She can be challenging at bedtime because it appears that she is a night owl.  By that I mean we can't get her to sleep sometimes before midnight.  So...when faced with this situation, I channel Dad.  Breathe, be calm, set boundaries...breathe some more.

I can remember so many times in my life when Dad acted as mediator between me and Mom.  So many times where he appreciated what I was doing in school...from kindergarten through both rounds of graduate school.  How supportive he was when we had In Bloom Home and Garden.  He just always had something positive to say despite the challenges, despite the problems with Mom's state of mind....despite everything.  He was a glass overflowing kind of guy.

I wish I could spend even one hour talking with hear his soak up his wisdom  Now I think of him and stand at his grave talking to him...but that does not make me sad.  It gives me a tangible place to spend time with him and with Mom.

A life coach I was seeing during the time right around Dad's death wrote this in a card to me:
"I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your father.  And so grateful for the love and devotion
he poured into you throughout your life.  He leaves a wise and good woman as a legacy."

My job now is to continue to live up to that legacy and pass it onto Haven every day.  I wish Dad had met Haven...he would have loved her so.  Sometimes when I talk to her I feel his voice coming through me.  I guess that is the way it works in life.