Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Almost one year later

Mom and Dad are much on my mind these days.  We are approaching the one year anniversary of Mom's death on October 3.  I am approaching my 59th birthday on Oct 2nd.  My birthdays were always a special time with Mom and Dad.  There were always cards and gifts.  When I was a kid I got to select the menu for my birthday dinner.  Most of all, I always felt special on my birthday.

I remember that Mom was upset that she had not gotten me a card last year.  I went out and bought one that she could sign and give to me.  She held onto life through my birthday and finally let go the next day.  Her death and my birth will always be linked in my mind now.

I was born on a day much like today...warm, sunny...a beautiful autumn day.  Mom used to tell me the story of my birth every year.  Now I pay it forward with our daughter Haven.  I tell her the story of her birth.  Paying it forward....that is how I hang onto to life these days.  I have to say that I am struggling with sadness, a loneliness like I have never experienced before.  Mom and Dad had such a big presence in my life..now they are both gone.  I am struggling with the loss of them every single day.