Mom in May

I drove over after church today to make Mom some dinner. When I arrived I took a picture of her in the red chair. This is usually how I find her..sometimes awake, sometimes asleep.

I asked her if I could take a couple of pictures ....she protested at first, but then gave in. I can see how much she has changed in the last two years.



Mom seemed different today. She said she was so tired...so blue. After dinner and cleaning up the dishes, I insisted that we go for a drive and get some ice cream cones. She got her favorite Black Walnut ice cream. We drove around a bit, mostly just in the North End of Seattle. Mom always comments on how many new buildings there are in Seattle now.

I finally drove Mom home and helped her get into her apartment. She really seems to need a lot more help with walking. After I got her settled, I asked her how much water she had had today...only about a glass and a half. I asked her to drink more before she goes to bed.

Tomorrow I take her to her doctor for a checkup. I told her I would bring the wheelchair. She can choose whether or not she wants to use it.

She told me all the things she usually tells me as I leave...she loves me, she appreciates all that I am doing for her...and I walk out the door after hugging and kissing her goodbye.

Mother's Day

Today is my Mom's 57th Mother's Day. To celebrate, I took her to lunch at her favorite restaurant.

She was all dressed and ready to go when I arrived. First, I showed her the pot of flowers that Pamela had put together. She loved it...I had selected two pink geraniums, some beautiful pink and green stripped coleus, and a bright green potato vine. I placed it on her table outside on her patio...so she can see it and easily water it and tend to the plants.

We made our way downstairs, me with a bag of garbage and holding on to Mom's arm. She is unsteady on her feet now, so it is important to hold her. We went through our usual routine: she hands me her cane, I put it between the front seats. She moves slowly into the seat and I help her get her legs and feet into the car. I buckled her in and shut the door. Off we went after stopping at the dumpster to leave her bag of garbage.

Luckily, when we got to the restaurant, there was a free handicapped parking spot right by the door. I helped Mom get on of the car and made sure she was steady on her feet before closing the door. As we made our way into the restaurant, several men opened the doors for us. I kept my hands on Mom as I helped her up the stairs. I got her seated on a bench and then put our names in. The place was packed for Mother's Day, so we had to wait about a half hour...since we wanted lunch not dinner. They made everyone wait to be seated for lunch.

I asked Mom if she wanted me to go get her anything, since she kept saying that she was really hungry. She wanted a milkshake, so I went to another restaurant on the wharf and got one of the best chocolate shakes I have ever tasted to date! Mom sat drinking her shake and watching all the people passing by. She loves to watch people.

Eventually, they came to seat us and we made our way slowly through the restaurant to a booth that was build up off the floor. I helped Mom up, and helped her get comfortable by straightening her skirt underneath her. The waiter brought drinks and the focaccia bread right away...which is what Mom always remembers about this restaurant. She ate several pieces and looked at the menu. I decided on a Shrimp Louie, but Mom seemed a little overwhelmed by the menu. I sat next to her and offered a couple of ideas. She finally just told me to order for her. Given her problems with swallowing food, I went with something easy ...shrimp fettuccine.

Mom ate like she was starving. Despite the fact that her portion was huge, she managed to eat two thirds of her dish. I told her we could have them box the rest for her, but she wasn't interested in taking it home. She did however jump at the chance to take home some of the bread.

After I paid the bill, we started to make our way slowly through the restaurant. Again, people opened doors for us as we exited. I got Mom into the car and then we went for a little drive. We stopped along the way to pick up a few things that Mom needed at the grocery store.

As we were headed home, Mom told me that she is really weak...at lunch she mentioned that she sleeps about 12 hours a day plus takes naps. When we finally got home, I could tell that she was completely wiped out. She said she was going to take a nap, so I suggested that I help her undress and change. I got her into her house wrap and some slippers. I found a golf game on TV for her to watch and doze to.

As I was leaving, Mom looked and me and said she wasn't going to be here much longer. I told her that may be the case, but while she is here, I am looking out for her. I gave her a hug and a kiss and turned to leave. She closed her apartment door smiling at me.

I got in my car and drove home with a heavy heart. Even when you have had a difficult relationship with a parent, it is sad to think that someday you will never be able to talk to them again. I feel that all the time about Dad.

Sometimes I wonder....does Mom have a 6th sense about her impending death...or is she just being melodramatic? I have no idea...I just know that it is hard to deal with the situation.

On the bright side, she had a good afternoon out, a wonderful lunch and little drive ....all with her only daughter who is doing her best to help.

Bacon grease

Mom has second degree burns on her left hand from a bacon grease accident yesterday. I talked to last night right after it happened and told her I would bring some ointment today. I talked to her as we were getting ready to leave for an event ...so I couldnt go last night.

I packed up my supplies this morning and made it out to her place by 10.00am. She was sound asleep in the chair when I arrived. As soon as she woke up, I took a look at her hand and assessed the damage. Her hand is swollen with large blisters on the last three fingers. I cleaned it off with an alcohol wipe and then put some Solarcaine on it. It has Aloe Vera and cools the hand. After that, I went over to the drugstore and bought her some vinyl gloves to keep her hands dry, and some liquid antibiotic wash. Once I got back, I wrote up a care sheet for her and explained everything twice.

Mom seemed really depressed today...said she was more trouble than she is worth, and just generally down on herself. She cried a little while I was there...as I tried to get her back on track. This latest event seems to be pushing her into a deeper depression.

Pancakes

I took Mom to a pancake restaurant to breakfast on Friday morning. She was pretty hungry by the time I got there. Everything was done to perfection on her plate, including her eggs. She ate everything and seemed to really enjoy her meal. I wasn't sure this was going to be the case because she told me that she felt like she died the day Dad died as we were entering the restaurant.

After that I took her to Walmart. We both found a few things and then headed back to Seattle. We stopped at TJ Max and Safeway and did a little more shopping before we headed back to her apartment.

Once I got all the groceries unpacked, I put in a laundry for Mom and emptied her recycling. With all that accomplished, I was on my way.

Mom is weighing heavily on me lately. She is so isolated and so alone. Her whole lif was focused on my father. With him gone, she is completely at a loss.

I am struggling with my own life too..having been laid off three weeks ago. Will life ever get easier?

Managing her money

Mom is currently hysterical about a letter she got from the Bank of America about her CD's. She thinks that she has to do something by a certain date or they will take half the value of her CD's. Of course, this is totally wrong and she is just being irrational.

Her anxiety turned pretty negative last night when she called me demanding that I take her to the bank today...Saturday...my one day off a week from both Mom and my job responsibilities. I told her that I had things planned all day and could not come out. She told me that it was imperative and that if I didn't take her I shouldn't be the executor of her will. When I refused she said she would just get on the bus...fine....go for it. I rememeber how well that went the last time when I had to retreive her from Northgate Mall. That is when I hung up on her.

I am tired of her bullying behavior. I am tired of her constantly wondering where I am, what I am doing and demanding my presence. She is used to getting her way...Dad gave in to her constantly...but I am not Dad...and I do have a life of my own. I am taking a couple of days off from her.

Birthday photos

Mom's 89th Birthday

Today was Mom's 89th birthday. She wanted to go to the church that Dad and I used to belong to back in the last 1960's and into the 1970's. Naturally, this meant figuring out when the service was being held and figuring out how I could get her into the building in her transport chair.

When I arrived she was dressed to the nines. Camel coat with a fur collar, a 1920's style cloche hat, her new shoes, new skirt, a knit top, and a colorful scarf. She also had her lipstick on and was ready to go.

Luckily, I found parking close to the entrance of the church and got her in via a ramp that lead right up to the chapel. This is the chapel where my brother and his wife were married the first time. The pews were gone and in their place were comfortable cloth chairs. I got Mom situated on the side and slippped into the chair next to her.

The church had obviously changed a lot since I had been a member. There was a combo with drums, a piano, and some kind of African drums playing. Two giant flat screen televisions were mounted on either side of the chapel with big speakers up above.

The service started with singing...three women with microphones lead the singing as the words to the songs were projected onto the screens. This was not the church that I had come to anymore. If felt hipper, more evangelical. The sermon was from Matthew...where the devil tempted Christ three times and he did not go along with it. We ended with communion and more singing. I managed to roll Mom up to the communion table so she could receive the bread and the juice.

Throughout the service I noticed that Mom was crying off and on. I am sure she was thinking about Dad. After the service she spoke briefly to the minister about my Dad and then we left for lunch with Pamela.

Luckily, Pamela arrived early at the restaurant and called me enroute to tell me where to park to make it easy getting Mom inside. She met us and we all made out way into McCormick and Schmick's on Lake Union in Seattle. We got a nice window table and got Mom settled in a regular chair.

We all ordered..Mom had seafood chowder, some of the popcorn shrimp we ordered as an appetizer and fried oysters. Mom opened her presents while we waited for our food. I got her some body powder called Blue Grass from Elizabeth Arden and some perfume and body cream samples. She loved her gifts and was truly surpised.

For dessert she chose a chocolate mousee. I had the creme brulee and Pamela had a small berry cobbler with ice cream. The best part was when the waitress brought Mom's dessert with a birthday candle blazing as we sang her happy birthday.

Afterwards, we drove back to the northend. I went into Safeway to pick up a few things for her and then we went back to her apartment. I looked over her pill minders and discovered that she is using them as storage but not in the way they were intended. I sorted out her daily pills and put them in one of the containers. I told her we would do this every Sunday so she would have an easier time keeping track of her medications.

I hugged Mom goodbye and drove off...six hours later...happy in th knowledge that she had a really good day doing what she wanted to do, eating what she wanted to eat, looking out at the water, and celebrating her birthday.

The last time we were in this restarant was on Easter 2007. Dad was still alive and Mom was having trouble with her eye. The trouble turned out to be shingles. She was admitted to the hospital two days later.

What a wild ride this last couple of years has been.