Safe

I discovered today that Mom has a bar she shoves under her doorknob. I went out there today to take her some groceries and to have a quick meal. I have not been feeling that great...upper respiratory infection....and I originally told her that I wouldn't be able to come out today. Once I got up and showered I felt better...so after church I went to Mom's place. I tried opening the door with my key, but it would not budge. I called Mom and heard the phone ringing and ringing. She also had the TV on full blast. She had fallen asleep despite all the racket. I finally pounded on the door and she eventually heard me.

Once I got inside, I took a good look at her "safety bar'. It is a long rod that has a black rubber foot and a black top that fits under the knob. I tried telling her that it was not safe. How was I going to get in and help her if she needed me? The fire department will have to break down the door if she ever needs help or has had a heart attack and died in there. There are so many bad scenarios that run through my head. Of course, she doesn't want to really think rationally about anything I say to her on the topic.

Her main concern is for her own safety. She has never felt safe in the world and this is just the latest manifestation of her lifelong fear or people and situations that she does not truly understand. She regularly misinterprets daily events, news items on the television... etc. I can do almost nothing about all of this. So..the bottom line is that she feels safe with her new tool. I do not feel safe with her new tool....so we are at a stalemate. Now that Dad is not here to protect her in the world he created for her, she has to use other more extreme measures.