Sunday, February 22, 2009


I discovered today that Mom has a bar she shoves under her doorknob. I went out there today to take her some groceries and to have a quick meal. I have not been feeling that great...upper respiratory infection....and I originally told her that I wouldn't be able to come out today. Once I got up and showered I felt after church I went to Mom's place. I tried opening the door with my key, but it would not budge. I called Mom and heard the phone ringing and ringing. She also had the TV on full blast. She had fallen asleep despite all the racket. I finally pounded on the door and she eventually heard me.

Once I got inside, I took a good look at her "safety bar'. It is a long rod that has a black rubber foot and a black top that fits under the knob. I tried telling her that it was not safe. How was I going to get in and help her if she needed me? The fire department will have to break down the door if she ever needs help or has had a heart attack and died in there. There are so many bad scenarios that run through my head. Of course, she doesn't want to really think rationally about anything I say to her on the topic.

Her main concern is for her own safety. She has never felt safe in the world and this is just the latest manifestation of her lifelong fear or people and situations that she does not truly understand. She regularly misinterprets daily events, news items on the television... etc. I can do almost nothing about all of this. So..the bottom line is that she feels safe with her new tool. I do not feel safe with her new we are at a stalemate. Now that Dad is not here to protect her in the world he created for her, she has to use other more extreme measures.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Cookies, cake, ice cream

Cookies, cake, ice cream....that is what Mom told her doctor today when asked what she was eating. Her doctor was trying to determine why Mom is still lossing weight. She has lost a total of 16 pounds since last June. I had to laugh at Mom's response...she does eat other things besides sweets...but the issue is that she is not really eating enough protein. I told the doctor that she does eat other foods, but she asked me to try and keep track of what Mom is eating.

She eats a little meat...but because of her esophagus issues, that is harder and harder. She won't eat yogurt, very little cheese, and a fair amount of eggs. I tried buying her protein shakes, but she resisted those as well. I think I'll try and buy her some cashews.

The up side of her appointment today is that her blood tests came back very good. She must have quite the constitution...because with her heart issues, esophagus problems and diabetes, she is still going pretty strong. Amazing..