Where we are now

Mom is well into her 90th year. Her memory isn't as strong, her body is not what it was, but she continues to go on as best she can each day.

Recently, she has fallen twice in one week. She couldn't remember how she ended up on the floor earlier this week. She thought she might have gotten her feet tangled in the bedclothes when she got up to go to the bathroom. All she knew was that she ended up on her back looking at the ceiling. She also had a rather nasty and bloody injury near her elbow. She thought about calling me, but decided that I had had such a long day of driving that she would not disturb me. Once I did find out what had happened, I went over to take a look at her injury. It was pretty awful, so we tried putting one of those big antiseptic bandages on it.

That didn't really work too well, so we tried gauze, but that stuck to the wound. I finally found some sterile pads that were treated not to stick to the skin and some cloth tape. Mom's skin is paper thin at this point, so the cloth tape doesn't irritate it or damage it. I have gone over several times this week to redress the wound. It is doing better and seems to be forming a scab.

When I talked to Mom tonight she said she had almost fallen again. She was turning and had a hard time getting her canes in position. She described it as floundering, so I know she should be using a walker. Of course, she refuses to use one. I am not up for that battle right now.

I took her to her Mother's grave with some flowers that I had actually purchased for Mom. She talked about how she, Dad and I would all be buried together. This is one of the regular topics as Mom and Dad's grave is right next to my Grandmother's grave. I really don't know how I feel about being cremated and buried with my parents. I suppose at that point, I won't have any feelings about it.

Tomorrow is the start of a new month....Nov. 2010. I wonder what it will bring.

Memory holes

Mom is an odd combination of really sharp and very forgetful. I can explain the same thing to her several times and we always end up at the beginning of the conversation as if we had not been talking at all. I am not altogether sure if she is fully processing information or she finds it impossible to retain anything.

She has been kind of exhausting in the last several weeks. It took me three visits to get her the right shirt last week. She buys things and then can't figure out how to use them....and of course, wants me to return the item. Grocery shopping has gotten a bit harder because the has a harder time maneuvering the cart and often doesn't have much of a sense of what she even wants to buy.

Today she bought a giant cake, Halloween candy, two bags of chocolate covered peanuts and two bags of cookies. She also bought other things that were more nutritious such as frozen meals, milk, ham lunch meat and bananas.

I am feeling pretty exhausted with her because she is always so critical of my life and my family. She will never be supportive of me as a lesbian, nor will she ever acknowledge that Pamela and our daughter are my family. At 56 I am pretty fed up with all of this....and the holidays are coming...so this will all come up once again.

I am getting worn out by Mom and really don't know how much longer I can deal with her. She has the kind of personality that drives people away from her and right now I just need a break from her.