Just when you think everything is going smoothly...

Mom arriving home from her doctor's appointment


Pamela in the hospital making the best of the situation

The amazing thing about dealing with a difficult parent is that I can move through the anger pretty quickly these days. By necessity, I have to given the daily challenges of helping my Mom.

She is having a tough time right now...having just had a toenail removed. She has cream and a program of cleaning and bandaging her toe, which actually is a good thing on many levels.

1. Mom requested that I take her to the doctor..which she has resisted for over a year for any reason.

2. While I had my own appointment to check the progress of the foot surgery I had in January, she happily sat in her wheelchair and watched the big screen TV in the waiting room.

3. She was pleasant and compliant during the her visit with the doctor.

4. The toe now gives her something to do to care for herself.

I have too many other things going on right now to really let her get me upset. I just have to put most of my energy into my own life and helping Pamela while she is in the hospital. She has mild pre-eclamsia. It looks like our daughter will be arriving several weeks early. For a more information go to my other blog: http://ourpathtomotherhood.blogspot.com/

Mom's hands on Mother's Day 2010

It is hard to know that these hands raised me, but belong to someone I no longer even like because of her mean and abusive behavior.

Mom's racist comments and other assorted verbal abuse continues. The baby news has stripped away all verbal decorum as she issues stream after stream of negative comments directed at me, my partner and the baby that will soon be a part of my "chosen family".

My Mom has been verbally abusive for my entire life...so it is hard to separate out what is just the usual from what may be linked to any dementia she is experiencing at this point of her life.

After our phone conversation this morning, I just hung up and sat there crying. On the one hand she says that I am "kind and good to her". On the other she makes disparaging remarks about my partner's race, the baby, and my involvement in my own family of choice.

As far as I am concerned the only family I had was my Dad, and he is gone now. I really wish he had survived Mom...because he would be so happy and supportive of the family that Pamela and I are creating.

Unfortunately, I am left caring for a mean, spiteful, negative, depressed Mother with a serious personality disorder. I know this will end one day, but right now it just feels like an oppressive weight on my shoulders.

Truth telling

I have not mentioned it before, but my partner is expecting a child in late June or early July. This is a source of great happiness for us.

I have put off telling Mom because I knew it would be unpleasant and she did not disappoint. Her reaction came in three parts:

1. "Pamela is crazy".

2. "Will the baby be black?" (this is a bad thing because she is a racist)

3. What will the last name be? (her head would have blown off if I had told her Corliss-Wilkins...more of her racism...so I didn't answer her question.)

I feel completely angry, sad and disappointed in her and her negative and ignorant behavior. Actually she is so true to form...she has acted this way about my life since I was 18....