Managing her money

Mom is currently hysterical about a letter she got from the Bank of America about her CD's. She thinks that she has to do something by a certain date or they will take half the value of her CD's. Of course, this is totally wrong and she is just being irrational.

Her anxiety turned pretty negative last night when she called me demanding that I take her to the bank today...Saturday...my one day off a week from both Mom and my job responsibilities. I told her that I had things planned all day and could not come out. She told me that it was imperative and that if I didn't take her I shouldn't be the executor of her will. When I refused she said she would just get on the bus...fine....go for it. I rememeber how well that went the last time when I had to retreive her from Northgate Mall. That is when I hung up on her.

I am tired of her bullying behavior. I am tired of her constantly wondering where I am, what I am doing and demanding my presence. She is used to getting her way...Dad gave in to her constantly...but I am not Dad...and I do have a life of my own. I am taking a couple of days off from her.

Birthday photos

Mom's 89th Birthday

Today was Mom's 89th birthday. She wanted to go to the church that Dad and I used to belong to back in the last 1960's and into the 1970's. Naturally, this meant figuring out when the service was being held and figuring out how I could get her into the building in her transport chair.

When I arrived she was dressed to the nines. Camel coat with a fur collar, a 1920's style cloche hat, her new shoes, new skirt, a knit top, and a colorful scarf. She also had her lipstick on and was ready to go.

Luckily, I found parking close to the entrance of the church and got her in via a ramp that lead right up to the chapel. This is the chapel where my brother and his wife were married the first time. The pews were gone and in their place were comfortable cloth chairs. I got Mom situated on the side and slippped into the chair next to her.

The church had obviously changed a lot since I had been a member. There was a combo with drums, a piano, and some kind of African drums playing. Two giant flat screen televisions were mounted on either side of the chapel with big speakers up above.

The service started with singing...three women with microphones lead the singing as the words to the songs were projected onto the screens. This was not the church that I had come to anymore. If felt hipper, more evangelical. The sermon was from Matthew...where the devil tempted Christ three times and he did not go along with it. We ended with communion and more singing. I managed to roll Mom up to the communion table so she could receive the bread and the juice.

Throughout the service I noticed that Mom was crying off and on. I am sure she was thinking about Dad. After the service she spoke briefly to the minister about my Dad and then we left for lunch with Pamela.

Luckily, Pamela arrived early at the restaurant and called me enroute to tell me where to park to make it easy getting Mom inside. She met us and we all made out way into McCormick and Schmick's on Lake Union in Seattle. We got a nice window table and got Mom settled in a regular chair.

We all ordered..Mom had seafood chowder, some of the popcorn shrimp we ordered as an appetizer and fried oysters. Mom opened her presents while we waited for our food. I got her some body powder called Blue Grass from Elizabeth Arden and some perfume and body cream samples. She loved her gifts and was truly surpised.

For dessert she chose a chocolate mousee. I had the creme brulee and Pamela had a small berry cobbler with ice cream. The best part was when the waitress brought Mom's dessert with a birthday candle blazing as we sang her happy birthday.

Afterwards, we drove back to the northend. I went into Safeway to pick up a few things for her and then we went back to her apartment. I looked over her pill minders and discovered that she is using them as storage but not in the way they were intended. I sorted out her daily pills and put them in one of the containers. I told her we would do this every Sunday so she would have an easier time keeping track of her medications.

I hugged Mom goodbye and drove off...six hours later...happy in th knowledge that she had a really good day doing what she wanted to do, eating what she wanted to eat, looking out at the water, and celebrating her birthday.

The last time we were in this restarant was on Easter 2007. Dad was still alive and Mom was having trouble with her eye. The trouble turned out to be shingles. She was admitted to the hospital two days later.

What a wild ride this last couple of years has been.

Safe

I discovered today that Mom has a bar she shoves under her doorknob. I went out there today to take her some groceries and to have a quick meal. I have not been feeling that great...upper respiratory infection....and I originally told her that I wouldn't be able to come out today. Once I got up and showered I felt better...so after church I went to Mom's place. I tried opening the door with my key, but it would not budge. I called Mom and heard the phone ringing and ringing. She also had the TV on full blast. She had fallen asleep despite all the racket. I finally pounded on the door and she eventually heard me.

Once I got inside, I took a good look at her "safety bar'. It is a long rod that has a black rubber foot and a black top that fits under the knob. I tried telling her that it was not safe. How was I going to get in and help her if she needed me? The fire department will have to break down the door if she ever needs help or has had a heart attack and died in there. There are so many bad scenarios that run through my head. Of course, she doesn't want to really think rationally about anything I say to her on the topic.

Her main concern is for her own safety. She has never felt safe in the world and this is just the latest manifestation of her lifelong fear or people and situations that she does not truly understand. She regularly misinterprets daily events, news items on the television... etc. I can do almost nothing about all of this. So..the bottom line is that she feels safe with her new tool. I do not feel safe with her new tool....so we are at a stalemate. Now that Dad is not here to protect her in the world he created for her, she has to use other more extreme measures.

Cookies, cake, ice cream

Cookies, cake, ice cream....that is what Mom told her doctor today when asked what she was eating. Her doctor was trying to determine why Mom is still lossing weight. She has lost a total of 16 pounds since last June. I had to laugh at Mom's response...she does eat other things besides sweets...but the issue is that she is not really eating enough protein. I told the doctor that she does eat other foods, but she asked me to try and keep track of what Mom is eating.

She eats a little meat...but because of her esophagus issues, that is harder and harder. She won't eat yogurt, very little cheese, and a fair amount of eggs. I tried buying her protein shakes, but she resisted those as well. I think I'll try and buy her some cashews.

The up side of her appointment today is that her blood tests came back very good. She must have quite the constitution...because with her heart issues, esophagus problems and diabetes, she is still going pretty strong. Amazing..

Telling stories

I am out of town all week for work. Luckily, my cell phone works and I have been able to talk to Mom twice today. This morning she seemed fine until she starting talking about my Dad. She was crying and it broke my heart.

Tomorrow would have been his 89th birthday, so Mom is having a hard time. She told me that Dad used to tell her about the day he was born every year. He was born in a snowstorm on January 27, 1920 in Orting, Washington. She wasn't sure, but she thought the midwife had probably come to the house. My Dad's birth was a happy event especially during this huge snowstorm. His father had just come back from World War I, so it was a very happy moment for Dad's parents.

As Mom related the story it dawned on me that this was a continuation of a tradition she and I have celebrated for many years on my birthday. She tells me about the day I was born. I have to say, that I hung up the phone crying...missing Dad so much. I still have Mom and she is still telling me stories...and I am grateful for every one of them.

Tomorrow I will call Mom as soon as I get done with work. She wants my brother to bring over cake and ice cream for Dad's birthday. I have no idea if he will do that for her. I hope so...because that one simple act would make her day. I wish I could be there with her tomorrow...just to make it a little easier. I will do my best on the phone.

Independence Day

I started my day by calling my brother and telling him of Mom's plan to have him drive her to Northgate. He said he wouldn't do it..so I drove to work fairly sure that Mom's plan would not be implemented today. A little after 2pm I noticed a voicemail on my cell ...from Mom...she sounded like she was talking to someone about not understanding how to leave a message. I couldn't call the number back so I quickly put it all together.

She had to be at the Northgate Mall. The only thing I could do was wait for her to call back. At 4pm, the phone rang. Mom had taken the bus to Northgate, but was tired from all the walking that she had done in the mall. She needed me to come get her. I left work a few minutes early and drove in rush hour traffic to the mall. I found her sitting on a bench by Penney's dressed to the hilt in her leather and mink jacket. She was totally exhausted and a little embarassed that her plan hadn't worked out.

I slowly walked her to the car and got her settled in the passenger seat. I went back into the food court and got her a hamburger and a milkshake...knowing that she had been without food or drink for 4 hours. She happily ate and drank all the way home.

Mom admitted that she couldn't take the bus by herself anymore. She admitted the same thing last year when she pulled this same stunt. One thing she said broke my heart. She justed wanted to be independent.....I can totally understand...but it is no longer possible.