Take me to the fair

Mom wanted to go to the Puyallup Fair...I think she wanted to find my niece, Lizzie in the 4-H horse barn. We looked in three 4-H horse barns but never found her. My brother does a good job of keeping his children away from Mom. It hurts her terribly, but he must have his reasons. She is not the easiest person to deal with and she will say whatever she wants...or thinks..even if it is totally awful and untrue. Like today...Pamela was looking at some sheds at the fair and I was sitting with Mom in the shade. Mom suddenly told me that she was sorry for me...that I was being lead around by Pamela. This is always the accusation she levels against partners....both with me and Mark. I told her in no uncertain terms that I wasn't putting up with that kind of talk anymore. I had to put up with it when I was younger...but no more. That basically shut her up for awhile.

Then on the way home after we dropped Pamela off she started in on how many Mexicans were at the fair. I just had to tell her that I was tired of her racist comments and that all people were equal...period. She said that she couldn't talk to me about anything anymore. Oh, I get so tired of this struggle back and forth with her.

While we were at the fair she got to eat some things she likes...a hamburger, an ice cream cone, some coffee. She was in a wheelchair the whole time at the fair. Mom's ability to walk safely is diminishing every day. She really didn't enjoy the fair this year....because she felt it had become too commercial and there were so many "ugly" looking people there. She commented on what a big butt one woman had...and then on a guy who was pretty big. I am tired of her judgments and condemnations of people. It just makes me sick to my stomach to listen to her go on and on.

I finally got her home around 3:30pm after swinging by her Mother's grave on the way. She got upset again looking at the grave. We stopped to buy a bag of donuts on the way home. Sweets are her one solace. Once I got her home, I made her half a ham sandwich, some cold tomatoes and fresh coffee. She hobbled to the door to double lock it after me when I left. Her life is lived in fear. She even took an extra sweater to fold over her purse while we were at the fair. She feels that she is constantly in danger. This has to be the personality disorder rearing it's head again. I left exhausted and totally drained of emotion.

How much longer can this go on?