Thursday, September 25, 2008

Walk and roll

I took Mom to the mall today in the transport chair that a friend at work gave me a couple of weeks ago. It is light weight, easy to lift in and out of the car, collapses so it is easy to store...basically gives Mom pop up and go mobility. She wanted to look for shoes and purses. We did our usual rounds of all the various places she likes to go...mostly Macy's and Penney's. She tried on a couple of pairs of shoes...but they were too wide for her foot. The purses were all too big and too expensive.

After getting her back to the car we headed to MacDonald's for lunch. She loves her chocolate milkshakes. She also had a double hamburger and a few fries. Afterwards, we drove across the street to Safeway and got her a power cart so she could go around the store picking out her groceries.

Mom seemed a little down on herself today. She is worried that she is going to loose the ability to use her legs. She does get very tired whenever we go out now...even though she is sitting the entire time...either in the car, in the wheelchair or in the power cart at the store. I told her that given her age she is actually in a lot better shape than a lot of people.

Once I got her home and unloaded the groceries, I made her some fresh coffee. I fixed her Pocket Talker by putting in some new batteries. I gave her a big hug and then took off to do some of my own errands.

I will be back Sunday to cook Mom dinner.

It is so hard to leave her there in the doorway. She looks so little, so sad, so lost.


Sunday, September 7, 2008

Take me to the fair

Mom wanted to go to the Puyallup Fair...I think she wanted to find my niece, Lizzie in the 4-H horse barn. We looked in three 4-H horse barns but never found her. My brother does a good job of keeping his children away from Mom. It hurts her terribly, but he must have his reasons. She is not the easiest person to deal with and she will say whatever she wants...or thinks..even if it is totally awful and untrue. Like today...Pamela was looking at some sheds at the fair and I was sitting with Mom in the shade. Mom suddenly told me that she was sorry for me...that I was being lead around by Pamela. This is always the accusation she levels against partners....both with me and Mark. I told her in no uncertain terms that I wasn't putting up with that kind of talk anymore. I had to put up with it when I was younger...but no more. That basically shut her up for awhile.

Then on the way home after we dropped Pamela off she started in on how many Mexicans were at the fair. I just had to tell her that I was tired of her racist comments and that all people were equal...period. She said that she couldn't talk to me about anything anymore. Oh, I get so tired of this struggle back and forth with her.

While we were at the fair she got to eat some things she likes...a hamburger, an ice cream cone, some coffee. She was in a wheelchair the whole time at the fair. Mom's ability to walk safely is diminishing every day. She really didn't enjoy the fair this year....because she felt it had become too commercial and there were so many "ugly" looking people there. She commented on what a big butt one woman had...and then on a guy who was pretty big. I am tired of her judgments and condemnations of people. It just makes me sick to my stomach to listen to her go on and on.

I finally got her home around 3:30pm after swinging by her Mother's grave on the way. She got upset again looking at the grave. We stopped to buy a bag of donuts on the way home. Sweets are her one solace. Once I got her home, I made her half a ham sandwich, some cold tomatoes and fresh coffee. She hobbled to the door to double lock it after me when I left. Her life is lived in fear. She even took an extra sweater to fold over her purse while we were at the fair. She feels that she is constantly in danger. This has to be the personality disorder rearing it's head again. I left exhausted and totally drained of emotion.

How much longer can this go on?

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Thursday night

Today was kind of a whacky experience with Mom. I had asked her in advance what she wanted to do today, but she had no clue. When I got there this morning, I finished preparing our breakfast. During our meal she broke the news that she wanted to go to Bellevue to The Container Store...her buy yet another trunk.

We set out and got stuck in a huge traffic jam on I5. I realized that I needed gas and that there was a Storables at University Village. Hoping for the best, I got off the freeway and drove straight to the store. I got Mom out of the car, walked her across the short walkway to the elevator and then took her one flight down to the store. It didn't seem like a lot of walking to me...but it turned out to be too much for Mom. Of course, the store didn't have what we needed so we had to turn back around and head to the car. Mom needed to stop and gather herself together. She was breathing pretty hard. We just stood for awhile in the garage until she felt strong enough to get to the car.

Once in the car she told me she needed to go to a Bank of America....and there was supposed to be one somewhere in the U Village, but I couldn't find it. I gave up and went to get gas. By this time I was losing my patience with this wild goose chase so I told Mom I didn't think we had time to go all the way to Bellevue (about 10 miles away), got to the bank, do some grocery shopping an still get me to work by noon. She opted to go to the bank and let me do a little shopping for her on the way.

She did all her banking and arranged for her CD to be turned over...then Mark called to say he would be over shortly. By the time we got home, he called again say he had made a pot of coffee for Mom..but he was on his way to the other end of the city for work. He promised he would come over on Friday. I didn't tell Mom that Mark had been in her apartment....that would put her over the edge.

I unpacked the groceries, made Mom some lunch and then took off for work. After work, I drove over to Bellevue, got the trunk at 20% off and drove through yet another track jam to deliver it to her. When I walked in I discovered that she had move two chairs and a bench to make room for the trunk in her bedroom. She said she felt wonder, she has a heart condition and is moving furniture!
I put the trunk where she wanted it, helped her turn down the bed and then headed to the kitchen to make her some dinner.

When I served her dinner she kept saying "You are so good to me". It is kind of eerie to hear that phrase because Dad said it all the time when he was really sick. Mom has had a tough week...she seems weaker, grayer, easier to tire. I am hoping that she will have a good time on Sunday when we take her to the Puyallup Fair.