When will this be over?

It is 7:30am and I have been awake since 5:00am. Mom and I had kind of a difficult time yesterday. I went to the store and bought her groceries for her yesterday and she was upset about that. She looks forward to the time away from the apartment zooming up and down the aisles of the store. I just wanted to get it done and not suck up my entire weekend with her needs.

She called me later in the day complaining about the frozen waffles I had purchased for her. Whining about not liking them and not having any syrup. I was just trying to bring her something a little different because she complains that her food bores her sometimes. I am just fed up with all her complaining and lack of appreciation for what I do to make her life easier.

She also asked me to drive to the Macy's in Lynnwood so she can look for shoes. I told her I have no intention of driving 20 miles so she can look at shoes. I took her to Macy's at Southcenter last weekend ...where she bitched and complained about all the shoes having round toes. The selection in Lynnwood is not going to be any different.

She has taken to asking me when she will see me next and then complaining and counting off the number of days until I will see her again. I feel completely smothered by her neediness. I am not Dad...catering to her every need. I have a job and a partner and my own life to live. I cannot for the life of me understand how she can still be alive when she is so negative and unhappy. A friend suggested that maybe her anger is what keeps her going. My partner suggested it may be the fear she has of dying. All I know is that I am exhausted with being her primary caregiver. All my brother does is come by a couple of times of week to take out her garbage and bring her a milkshake. Everything else is on me.

Oddly enough, I am looking forward to a little break from all this because it involves having surgery. I am having foot surgery on January 20 and will be on crutches for 4 to 6 weeks. I won't be able to carry all the bags of groceries to her apartment or help her in and out of the car. I need to have this surgery now, so she will just have to ask my brother to meet her needs.

The weird thing about all of this is that my brother is really her favorite. She continues to work out all her own Father abandonment issues with him. He never really talks to her or takes her anywhere. She gives him money every time he whines about his bills. She even gave him $2500 last fall. She said she would give the same to me when "you need it". Of course, that will never happen. The conundrum here is that I am the one doing all the heavy lifting with her...but he is the one that she really cares about. I think she just prefers men...and my brother looks like my Dad.