Mom is beginning to visibly fail. Her memory is a little sketchy, her gait is more unsteady and she complains constantly about being lonely. The worst part is the crying she does every time I prepare to leave. It is heartbreaking to leave her there, but I have to get on with the rest of my life. Mom would consume my entire life if I let her. She is used to 24 hour a day care from my father, but that ended over 3 years ago.
Now that I am working, she is having a tough time adapting to my new schedule. I didn't call her in time the other night and by the time I did get to her, she was pretty upset, anxious and hysterical. She was worried sick that something had happened to me. I know on some level she knows her life is dependent on me, but she refuses to consider any other living arrangement that would be easier on both of us. I have basically given up trying to convince her to move into a retirement home. She always says she doesn't have enough money. She is still controlling her banking information, so I have very little idea of what her financial situation really is these days.
I do have a lot of empathy for Mom, despite her stubborn resistance to change and her quirky ways of handling her affairs. I would love to figure out a way to help her make a happier life for her remaining time on earth. I have had to give up the idea that I can make that happen for her.
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