Mom is still struggling along these days. Some days are definitely better than others. She seems to sleep more and more all the time. I know this is a side effect of congestive heart failure...but knowing that doesn't make watching her slow decline any easier.
She is in a pretty depressed mood a lot of the time, or is incredibly anxious about something that keeps her awake all night. It is usually a bill she has received in the mail for her care while in the rehab facility. More and more she needs me to explain her bills, and her bank statement. She cannot seem to remember the things we did at the bank. No matter how many times I go over it with her, she cannot absorb the information.
She told me that she had gone "bananas" being in the rehab facility. I laughed and told her that in fact she had been a little "bananas" before she was a patient there. She laughed too.
Mom and I had a good talk the other night...but part of it was really hard. She told me that she knew I would be relieved when she died. Yes, part of me will be relieved of all the responsibility of looking after her, but the other part of me will really miss her. For all her foibles and idiosyncrasies, she is my Mom and I love her. Yes, she always does everything the hard way which invariably requires more time and energy on my part. Yes, there are many stories I could tell that would show her flaws and failings as a parent. But there are many other stories that show her concern for me, or her unflagging ability to love me.
I don't know where we are on the final leg of this journey, but I do know that I will be by her side until there is nothing else I can do for my Mom.
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