Yesterday was a really bad day with Mom. She woke me up early in the morning to tell me she is not going to have the endoscopy. She was upset about how much money it was going to cost, and being completely irrational. She told me that I had taken Dad to the doctor and look what happened to him. I got really upset because it seemed like she was blaming Dad's death on me. She said that if they had stayed in Arizona that Dad could have had surgery. I tried to explain to her that Dad would have died if he was in Arizona because he had Stage IV pancreatic cancer. She is in complete denial about what happened and keeps saying over and over again that Dad never talked to her about not feeling well. Actually, I am starting to think that Dad never told her anything because he had given up in some elemental way. He was so tired of all her abuse and bullshit that he got her up here and then slowly gave up.
I was on the phone several times with Mom ...she would hang up on me, I would hang up on her...it was a pretty upsetting day.
Today things went better. I went to make the arrangements for their dual burial at Forest Lawn. I have the contract for Mom to sign tomorrow when we go out to take her to dinner. I just hope that she can continue to be lucid and follow through with this arrangement.
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