I had forgotten that this Sunday is Father's Day until I went to pick up my new glasses. Suzy, the woman who always helps me find the best glasses gave me a big hug after fitting my new pair and said that she would be thinking of me this Father's Day. This is the first one without Dad. I am doing better overall with his death, but I still miss his calm and supportive presence.
I see that I have become that calm and supportive person for my Mom. I was busy doing other things this morning...going into work early so I could leave early today. I completely forgot to phone Mom ...which is something I do every morning...around 7:30am. I noticed that I had a voicemail on my cell from my brother. His message was that Mom had called him and was really upset and agitated that I had not called this morning. I called Mom and could tell right away that she was over the top with worry. She was just about to call the police when I called her. She had imagined all kinds of dire things that could have happened. I calmly explained that I had just gotten busy and had forgotten to call. I went over this several times with her until she was able to calm down a bit. I rang off by promising that I would call around 4:30pm.
This episode tells me that Mom needs the routines I have established with her. A phone call in the morning and another after I get off work. Tuesday evening I go out and make dinner. Thursday morning I take her to the store or the doctor or whatever else she needs to do. Sunday afternoon we either have dinner at her house or I take her someplace for dinner. She counts on all of these things to make her world manageable. She needs the routine.
No wonder I am tired all the time. I am trying to manage to have my own life and career and relationship...while being the daily anchor in this world for Mom.
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