How do you feel?

Mom is struggling with her life. She keeps saying that her life can't go on much longer. I finally told her that it is hard for me to hear this kind of talk. No one knows how many days we have on this earth...I understand that she is depressed and missing my Dad every day. I understand that she is lonely and isolated..but she has fought every suggestion I have made to get her involved in a senior center. It is hard..she can't really get around very well..even with help. Her energy levels are at an all time low...both physically and emotionally. She is depressed with the coming of winter weather. Mom is definitely a "glass half full" kind of person.

I have been trying a new tactic in the last month. I buy inexpensive greeting cards and send her one or two a week. I know she waits for the mail everyday...so getting a card really cheers her up. It is a small gesture..but seems to make her happy for a little while. The larger issue of what I perceive to be her depression is not a subject she wishes to discuss. When I told her that I thought she may want to go to the doctor to discuss how she is feeling she had one word "Bullshit"....case closed.

Mom is dependent, narcissistic, self-absorbed, funny, opinionated, smart, and still makes a mean roast. She is so many conflicting things..but all I can do is try and help her out and do so with good intentions. I am actually to the place where I am appreciating this time alone with her to get to know her in new ways. She can drive me straight up a wall, she makes me laugh, she makes me sadder than I ever thought I could be...but at the end of the day, I love her for all her contradictions.