Accentuate the positive

I finally told Mom that I needed her to try to be a little more positive. I explained that there are plenty of things we can all focus on that drag us down in life...the weather, our jobs, conflict of any kind...but that it was important to try and focus on the good things. I emphasized that this quality to see the positive was one of the things that I really loved about Dad. I could always count on him to be optimistic and show me the way to that positive perspective.

Mom is naturally a glass half full kind of person...a worrier...a disaaster forcaster. But she can also be very kind and supportive. I see that she struggles to get to a place where there is no fear..and that is hard for her on a daily basis. The other day she told me she was afraid to live in her apartment. When I asked her why, she explained that someone had rushed by her in the hall when she was trying to do her laundry. She couldn't see the person's face and it really scared her. I explained that it was normal for people to walk by each other in an apartment hallway...that the person was probably just in a hurry and meant her no harm.

I normalize the world for Mom...she has never seen things in a rational way...she sees deeper, sometimes to the point of creating her own unique way of seeing. Maybe that is what paranoia is all about...or maybe she is tuned into the world on a different level. I have no idea after all these years. Sometimes I think Mom is really sensitive in a way that is different from the experience that most people have in the world. She can be very intuitive...and see things that others either do not see or do not understand...are they real?...or not? Sometimes I have a hard time distinguishing that...but I know that I am more tuned into people and I think my experience with Mom has something to do with my ability to read people.

I am having a unique experience with Mom...I am seeing her completely unvarnished..without my Dad as her buffer. True, he created a safe little world that she lived in for many years...now I try to help her manage her new world. We are both making the best of it and trying to enjoy the time we have left together.