When I called Mom this morning her voice was so weak when she answered the phone. She said she wasn't doing very well...felt very weak. She asked me to come over to take out her garbage. I told her I would be over in an hour.
When I arrived, Mom was sitting in her easy chair fast asleep. I touched her gently on the arm to wake her. She looked really gray ...kind of exhausted. My first thought was that she was dehydrated. She drinks lots of coffee, but not very much water. I got her to drink a glass of water and made her some lunch.
I made a salad, some vegetables and a small salisbury steak for her lunch. I sat with her while she ate. There is no talking while she eats. She just slowly eats her meal. We talked a little bit after she was done and then did the dishes and took her garbage down to the basement.
I waited around for the mail woman to finish filling the boxes. Mom always looks forward to the mail...but today there was nothing. I took her keys back to her, kissed her on the forehead, lightly touched her hair and then left.
It is strange...this woman has been such a difficult person in my life. The process of watching her slowly die, inch by inch is difficult..for her, and for me. I find myself feeling melancholy at the thought of her being gone. At other times I joke about how it will be good when she is gone. All these conflicting emotions are tiring.
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