The pledge of allegiance

I went over to Mom's today to make her breakfast. I arrived about 8:45am to find her starving. I asked her what she had for dinner last night and I could see that she was drawing a complete blank. I asked her gently if she had eaten any dinner and she could not remember if she had or not.

I immediately went to the kitchen and got her a cup of coffee. Her coffee has been part of her routine for many years...so I thought we would start there. I fixed scrambled eggs, bacon, toast with jam, and wedges of "Temptation" melon with blackberries and raspberries. Mom thought everything on the plate looked beautiful and immediately and silently began to eat. She was obviously very hungry as there was nothing left after a few minutes.

While I was washing the dishes, Mom remained in the living room.. I heard her say "I can't remember the Pledge". It took me a minute to register that she meant the Pledge of Allegiance". She got out the first part of the first line and then feel silent. This was a bittersweet moment for me...listening to her struggle to remember something she probably said day after day in school. Now some of those phrases are disappearing. Now she is forgetting to eat.

Here is the complete text: "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

After cleaning up the kitchen I made Mom some meals: salads, lunch plates, spaghetti, chicken with mashed potatoes and green beans...anything to cue her to eat. She needed a break from frozen dinners....so hopefully these meals will encourage her to eat every day for a few days.

I took out the garbage and went to the store to pick up a few more items for Mom.

She was again confused about the new digital TV box that my brother installed along with the digital antenna I purchased. I showed her how it all worked again knowing full well she probably will not be able to retain this information anymore. No matter...I found her a program she liked and left it on.

The leave taking is harder and harder. Mom thanked me for spending so much time with her on the holiday. She thanked me for the meals that I set up for her. She thanked me for everything I am doing for her. I hugged her, kissed her forehead and then left her as gently as I could knowing that I would call this afternoon at 4:30pm like I always do.

I felt so sad and depressed as I drove away. Mom has been a difficult person for me since my childhood. She can be stubborn, obstinate, unreasonable, paranoid and very mean. She can also be loving, funny, sensitive and charming. She is really a character and I am beginning to understand that despite all the rough times, I will really miss her when she is gone. I was surprised by this revelation...but on many levels it makes sense. We have been together for many years, we have a lot of history...some of it good and some of it not so good. She is still my only Mom and the only link to certain memories in my childhood. She is also my only link to my relationship with Dad.