Today was the usual routine. Get up early, spend some time on the computer, eat breakfast and go to church. After church I drove out to Mom's apartment to have dinner with her. I knew when I was driving out there that I was feeling tired ...tired of the routine, tired of the responsibility, tired of dealing with all the quirky and difficult moments with Mom.
She has been on a roll since we went to the doctor last Thursday. Dr. Deans suggested that Mom get a pneumonia shot. She patiently explained to Mom that elderly people get really sick but don't always die from pneumonia. More likely, if she got sick she would end up in a nursing home. The words "nursing home" set Mom off into a difficult exchange about the cost of the shot, whether or not Medicaid would pay for it....no, she wouldn't get it, etc. I tried reasoning with her and she told me point blank that I don't make her medical decisions. She looked at all the paperwork and finally got enough information to satisfy her...reluctantly agreeing to get the vaccination.
Since then, she has informed me that she hates her doctor and the doctor's nurse...that the nurse hurt her when she gave her the shot...and that she is never going back there. In the meantime, she has been very emotional about my Dad being gone. She told me today that she had forgotten how to do things like cook, because Dad had taken that chore over years ago. Truth be told, Dad took over many chores years ago...because he liked to keep busy, and because Mom had aritritis in her hands. Now she is left, emotionally and physically alone without the person who created a safe life for her.
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