This is a picture of my Dad's ashes and the photos of him that I look at almost every day.


Today was a hard day for Mom. When I got there to cook her dinner she told me she had been crying all day....missing Dad. I started showing her the flowers and the vegetables from our garden to get her focused on something positive. I also showed her the chocolate cream pie that I had brought for dessert. Since she was hungry, she was happy to sit at the table and eat the cucumber slices and radishes that I put out for her.

I cooked us a nice dinner: filet of sole, beets from our garden, corn on the cobb and we split a baked potato. She ate everything and also had a healthy piece of pie. After dinner I did the dishes ....even though Mom told me to leave them. It just takes me a few minutes to do them...and then she doesn't have to deal with a dirty kitchen the next morning. I got her to go sit on the sofa and watch the Olympics. I joined her when I was done. We sat and watched for awhile...Mom holding my hand.

When it was over I turned off the TV and that is when the tears started again. She misses my Dad so much...and wonders how much longer she is going to have to live like this. She wants to be alone, but complains of being lonely. She was crying and crying and all I could do was rub her back and try and convince her that Dad was still with her in spirit and that he was waiting for her.

I helped her get ready for bed, including taking off her underpants and helping her into her adult diapers for bed. I gave her a big hug and then left. She is really getting frailer and frailer...I don't know how much longer it is safe for her to live alone.

I left feeling completely exhausted....her grief dredges up my own grief and sorrow over my Dad's death. I wish he was still alive every day.