Another rough day

I took Mom to the bank and out to lunch today. She was pretty bad at the bank...giving the banker a hard time about her accounts and her CD. She was rude to me as well...telling me that I was talking too much! All I was trying to do was help her. It is so clear that she is worried about how to handle her finances. This was something that Dad always did...but she struggles with it every time we go to the bank. After we left, I told her she really needed to behave in a nicer and kinder manner with people..including me. She basically just blew me off.

She told me on the way to lunch that she needed to go to Sears...so there we were in the bra section again trying to find a front closure bra. Thankfully, I found her size again and we were out of there in under a half hour. We glanced at clothes for a little while, but when she started getting difficult, I told her we were leaving.

Next stop, Ivar's on the Seattle waterfront. I finally found a parking place and then pushed her the two blocks to the restaurant in her transport chair. Once we got there is took a long time to get seated, an even longer time to get water and menus...and an eternity to finally get our meal. Mom doesn't talk much when she eats. She stays pretty focused on her food and struggles when she drops food on herself.

After lunch, we drove to the grocery store to pick up some dish soap and a money order. Mom has to pay her utility bill to a company out of state. She refuses to send them a check so we go to the store every month to get a money order.

Mom wanted to stop and shop for a baby book for Pamela and Haven, but I told her that I was tired. We had been out almost 5 hours and I was just exhausted both physically and mentally from her difficult behaviors. I got her back to her apartment and got her in the door. She started crying and apologizing about messing up her blouse at the restaurant. I told her it was a just a blouse and could be cleaned in the washer. I stepped into getting her new clothes and helping her get dressed. She accomplished all this in her living room and didn't seem to be self conscious at all. I just went with it because it seemed like it would take too much out of her to get her into her sleeping alcove.

Once I got her dressed, she walked me to the door. We looked at her beautiful view of Puget Sound out the window. She looked at me and said "I know that I am not as in control as I used to be". Trying to make light of her remark, I said 'That makes it a lot easier on those of us who know you". The joke went right over her head.

I kissed her on the forehead and walked down the hall to the elevator breathing deeply. I know she is weaker and weaker. I know she is really depressed about being alone. She tells me she will only live another year. I write all this down so I can go back tomorrow and start all over again with Mom.