I picked up the seven certified copies of Dad's death certificate today. I walked to the car reading it...and saw that the cause of death was listed as "failure to thrive as a result of pancreatic adrenocarcinoma. I looked up "geriatric failure to thrive" and found this definition: a syndrome that involves progressive loss of physical and psychological function. Dad's definition means that the cancer created a progressive deterioration of his physical and mental health. More specifically, he had tumors throughout his body that most likely invaded his lungs, lymph system, spinal cord, abdomen and brain. As a result of the rapid spread of his cancer, he experienced confusion, fatigue, coughing, diminished appetite and general withdrawal from the world.
While all this sounds very clinical, it is entirely different to watch someone you love slip away so quickly. While I did everything I could think of to make Dad comfortable, in the end the disease ended his life about a month after the definitive diagnosis. I have to think that Dad knew something was going on before he finally asked me to take him to the Doctor in early May. He waited until Mom was feeling better after contracting shingles. Now I know that going even a month earlier would have made no difference. Pancreatic cancer is a silent and rapid cancer with no visible symptoms until it is already too late.
I miss my Dad. I know I did everything I could and continue to do what I can to help my Mom...but the bottom line is that my life is now split in two....life with Dad and life after Dad's death.
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