Friday, January 4, 2008

I had dinner with Mom last night. I had made a lot of ham and bean soup, so I decided to take some out to her and have dinner together. She loves this kind of soup. She had made a salad and homemade dressing. We also had Rycrisp crackers with some really good soft cheese. For dessert, I microwaved a couple of Apple Blossoms. They are essentially little individual apple pies that I found at the market for her. She loves them...and they are easy for her to make.

She was in a pretty good mood all evening. I had arranged to have dinner and then go to a meeting at Providence Hospice offered for people dealing with a death and the holiday season. She was invited too, but doesn't want to participate...no mystery there. She doesn't approve of a Catholic sponsored organization. I don't care one way or the other. The other meeting I went too during this series was very helpful. I am also planning on registering for another class that begins next week on Growing with Grief. I actually think that going to these sessions and doing my own individual therapy is helping me work through my grief around Dad's death and all the conflicting feelings I experience caring for Mom.

She is going out today with my brother. He needs to sign something to be on her bank account like I am...I also called in a prescription for Mom's eye drops and left him a voicemail to go pick that up for her as well. Mom thought he shouldn't do it as he will be in his city car...but I told her that is was no big deal. I also told her that he just uses that as an excuse not to take her out to do things...which was kind of mean...but it is so true. He was complaining to her this week that seeing her every week is too much for him! Ha! He sees her for a half hour to an hour every week...at her apartment....he makes lunch for himself...they talk ...he leaves. He is hardly doing anything to care for her and acts like it is a huge burden. I am there at least three times week..make her doctor's appointments, take her to her appointments....take her shopping, to the drug store....to the mall....basically everywhere she needs to go...and he feels he is doing too much! I understand that her capacity to drive him crazy is very high....but I struggle with it too. I just blows my mind how little he has to bring to this situation with Mom. I try not to get upset but every once in awhile I just have to step back and breath a little to regain my composure.

I just talked to Mom on the phone. She is already to go once he arrives...she had a good breakfast, has cleaned up the kitchen, made her bed, and is dressed and ready to go. She will call me once she is home again. I think she kind of dreads being around Mark because he loses his temper with her on a pretty regular basis. I have too over the last several months...she can get on your last nerve pretty quickly...but I am trying to learn patience while sticking to my boundaries with her.

Lots of challenges ahead in 2008 with this situation. Luckily, I feel like I am doing all the right things to take care of myself. One interesting thing that was said last night at the grief group....grieving is heart work..and recovering from a death is like recovering from open heart surgery.