Thursday, September 27, 2007

So, the phone rang this morning....it was Mom...asking me to come out and help her. It was what I expected. She acted as if nothing bad happened last weekend. I have no idea if she has no memory of what happened or if she has conveniently gone into denial. I told her I would be out sometime this morning to take her shopping. We did our usual three hours of shopping...at the drugstore and at Fred Meyer. She bought me a fleece vest and some socks for my birthday...and a lot of food. She has it in her mind that she must stock up before we leave for California on Oct. 7th. I told her that I would take her shopping again before we leave, but she still insisted on buying a lot of food. We had a pretty good time, but she seemed a little anxious in the car. After lugging everything upstairs, I fixed her lunch and then took off for my lunch appointment with my high school french teacher..which was totally fun.

After lunch, I went to a yearly memorial service for the families of people who were taken care of by Providence Hospice. It was a tiny bit new age, but it was still good to be in a room with others who have experienced major loss. I lite a candle for Dad and spoke about his experience with the hospice chaplain. I heard about it from the chaplain a week after Dad died. She called to ask if it would be ok to visit Dad again...and that is when I told her he had passed away. She was very sorry and apologized for not being informed of his death. Kate then told me about her experience with Dad. At first he was a little confused as to who she was and why she was visiting him. Once he understood that she was a visiting hospice chaplain, he opened up to her and talked about his concern for Mom. He prayed for our family with her and then he prayed for the whole world. Kate said that he was amazingly open and clear. As she was leaving he told her it was important to work things out with her co-workers. This amazed her as she had just come from a meeting that had been a bit upsetting to her at work, but had not mentioned it to my Dad. She was a little embarrassed that she had come to comfort Dad and he ended up comforting her. I think Dad was pretty empathic all his life and even more so as he neared death. As I told this story in front of a room full of strangers I cried and struggled to keep talking, but I needed to talk about Dad and how much I loved him.

I still love him and I still miss him.