Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Dad has Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer. We go into tomorrow for a biopsy of a tumor located at the base of his neck. I had a feeling that the day was going to go downhill at 3:45am when Mom called to tell me that Dad had fallen on the floor and she could not move him. I threw on some clothes and raced across the city arriving in record time. Dad had fallen out of his chair and told me that he had spent the last hour scooting himself across the floor on his back. Mom and I managed to get him on his feet and get him to the bathroom. After that, I got him back to his chair and settled him in again. Rather than drive all the way home and then drive all the way back for his 9:30am appt. with his oncologist, I just stayed there and tried to get a little more sleep on the couch. Dad wanted me to stay...I think he was a little shaken by his fall and wanted to know I was there to help if needed.

I finally got up around 7am and called Mark. I asked him to come to Dad's appt. with me. I figured there would be so much information flying at us, we would have a better chance of getting it all if there were two of us there. Mark was really good with Dad and helped explain what the doctor was saying based on his analysis of the various tests. He recommended that Dad have a biopsy of the tumor on his pancreas. He tried to get Dad scheduled for one, but it was impossible to do in the short window that we have for any kind of treatment. We opted to go with the neck biospy.

When we saw the surgeon he explained that Dad was in a very weakened condition. He said the procedure could in fact be a tipping point...translation...it could make things worse. Dad got through the exam pretty well, but needed all three of us to get him down from the exam table. I put him back in the wheelchair and took him over to the lab for the EKG and blood test the surgeon ordered before the procedure.

By this time it was past noon. I wheeled Dad back to the car, got him in, returned the wheelchair to the clinic and drove us to the northend. He insisted on going in to the bank to cash his check. I stayed close to him and held his hand for most of our time in the bank. He is really unsteady and has a hard time walking. We managed to get the money and then went back to the apartment.

Mom and I had already talked about what was going on over the phone while we were still at the Polyclinic. I could tell when we got back to the apartment that she was really upset but doing her best to help. She prepared lunch while I got Dad out of his clothes and into his pajamas. He has lost so much weight only pants or pajama bottoms with elastic will stay on his hips.

We all sat down and had some lunch. I fed Dad some of the salad that Pamela had made with vegetables from our garden. Amazingly, despite everything he is going through, Dad has a great appetite. He had soup, salad and a small piece of chocolate cake. Afterwards, I had him take his vicodin to keep the pain at bay.

It has been a really surreal day. At one point, Dad looked at me and said "Bonita, don't take this so hard". He is trying to comfort me and he is the one with Stage 4 Cancer!

I spent the rest of the afternoon going to the pharmacy to refill his vicodin prescription, looking for a second hand wheelchair and talking to friends. The hardest part of all this is we have no idea if Dad will be with us three more days or six months. It seems unlikely that he will survive the summer....but we are all just trying to figure out the best way to keep him comfortable.

I feel like I have aged 10 years in one day. A month ago, Dad appeared to be in good health. Today he is a shell of his former self. I don't want him to suffer. Luckily, his faith in God is strong. He keeps saying "Nobody has ever come back complaining".