Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Today has been a productive but intense day.

I was talking to Dad on my cell from the dog park around 7am this morning when I heard all this noise on the line. It sounded like he had dropped the phone. Mom got on the line and said that Dad had fallen and hit his head. I immediately called the dogs, went home, showered, dressed and was out to their place within the hour. Dad was laying on the floor with pillows under his head and a blanket over him. He seemed calm despite the fact that there were two nasty cuts on his arm. I got down on the floor, sat him up and then lifted him up to his feet and walked him to his chair. I got the first aid supplies, cleaned his cuts and put bandages over them. I told him he had to stop falling...we are running out of bandaids. He thought that was pretty funny.

After all of that, he wanted me to call his life insurance company and change his address information. It took awhile to get both policy numbers, his pin number and get it all squared away. He was happy to get that taken care of.

We talked again about the appt. that I was heading to with his oncologist. He was very clear about not wanting to do chemotherapy. We agreed that hospice care at home was the route he wished to take.

I arrived at the appt. 10 minutes early and ending up waiting almost an hour to see the doctor. My brother, Mark, was there so it gave us a chance to talk. He was bemoaning the fact that Dad had said something recently about wanting to see his grandchildren. This started Mark on a long tale about how he had felt abandoned when Mom and Dad moved to Arizona in 1979. Mind you, we were both adults when this occurred...with our own lives. I explained to him that I didn't feel that way...and that there were ways he could have felt more connected to Mom and Dad....going down to see them, flying the kids down to see etc. He said he never had the money for that ...and that Mom and Dad had never offered to help financially to make that possible. I found this hard to believe because Mom and Dad had always helped me come down when I was low on cash. We couldn't continue the conversation because the doctor finally called us into his office.

I presented the latest information on Dad...that he was getting weaker, had fallen, and didn't want to pursue treatment. The doctor agreed and said he would initiate the paperwork to get Dad into hospice care. We shook hands...and left.

As we left the building Mark said he wanted to talk more about the whole grandchildren issue. I said it was pretty simple...Dad wants to see his grandchildren before he dies. Mark said he would have to talk to his wife about whether or not they wanted their children in that situation. Death is a part of life....and he is just being a selfish narcissist. His wife has issues with our Mom...this is not about Mom...it is about DAD! I got so upset I had to just walk away. His lack of compassion just blows my mind.

I picked up lunch for Mom and Dad and headed back to their place to fill them in on the doctor's appt. and the hospice information. Dad didn't eat all of his lunch..but he did eat all his ice cream and strawberries. I told him the one bright spot in all of this is that he can have as much ice cream as he wants from now on. After lunch I got him settled in his chair again and then did some laundry for Mom.

I checked in with the hospice supervisor and found that the doctor's office had already faxed over the orders. We discussed hospice service and then set up the initial intake appointment with the nurse for this Saturday afternoon. When I told Dad this he said that things were moving along and that he was impressed. Here he is ...really sick and he is complimenting my skills in managing his care! He is an amazing guy!

As I left Mom hugged me and asked how she could have done all this without me? I told her she didn't have to worry about that...because she does have me.

When I got home I discovered an email from my aunt. I am taking her to see my Dad (her brother) on Thursday afternoon.

This has been a full day...but I feel good that we have the hospice care in motion. That will ease some of the stress on Mom and provide Dad with a higher level of care. I feel happy about the small graces along the way...the hospice supervisor that returned my email yesterday and talked with me today....setting up a Saturday appt. All these small steps are focused on my one goal...keeping Dad as safe and comfortable as possible in his last months of life.